Happy New Year!!

I sit here on my parents' computer trying my best not to throw it outside into the snow. It is not so much the internet connection as it is the age of, and amount of crap stored in, this computer. I cannot open any email messages!!! I can do a few things on Facebook, reading messages is not one of those things. I feel like I am stranded. Perhaps that is a sign that one of my resolutions should be to wean myself from technology, but alas, that may prove to be harder than keeping up a good diet and exercising more.

That brings me to the resolutions I DO plan on making. Well, not just yet, but we are getting there. This has been an exceptionally bad year for me. I separated from Hernan, though the divorce is not final until February 4, 2010. I filed bankruptcy. I have been on the outs with my father. And most recently, and apparently the last hardship of the year, was losing my Mema. Needless to say, I am ready to start a new year.

I am lucky that I can start fresh this year. No marriage, no debt, and a a new man who I know adores me, and about whom I feel the same. (Did I use that correctly? Who/Whom is one of the few grammatical rules I have issues with.) I feel confident that this year will be better than any before. The things I have survived have turned me into a better, or at least stronger, person.

So this year I am not going to resolve to eat better, exercise more, save money, or cure cancer. My resolutions are more realistic, though I can't say they will be easy all the time. There are two:

1. Pray more. I have let myself get out of the habit of prayer and when I do take the time I don't give myself over to God the way I should. I resolve that I will make the effort to pray more often and more meaningfully.

2. Appreciate the little things. I feel like this goes along with the first one. When I take the time to pray I will also take the time to inventory my life and appreciate those blessings God has given me. I will not take so much for granted. I will marvel in the miracle of everything around me.

I hope this doesn't sound like a load of bunk. I truly feel that these are not just the things missing in my life now, but missing in most people's lives. Even if you do not believe in God, you can take the time to appreciate your life and take pleasure in what you have.

Happy New Year, everyone!!

Mema

My Mema passed away early this morning in her sleep. She has been ailing for a a few weeks and in a lot of pain so, although I know she is in a better place, it is still hard to let go.

Mema was born September 4, 1925 outside of Bartlesville, OK. Born Helen Elizabeth Wiles, when her mother passed away 4 days later she was renamed Laura Helen Elizabeth. She was raised by her grandparents and grew up with 3 older aunts who were sisters to her. She married my grandfather April 10, 1944 in San Diego, CA while he was in the Navy. She took the train with her youngest 'sister,' Ethel (10 years older than her), out to CA to marry my Grandad, John Moore (passed away January 1993).

My uncle and mother were born in California where they stayed for a few years before moving to Wichita. When my mother was 7 they moved to Broken Arrow. They lived on Lynn Lane, the curvy part that we all loved to drive fast on when we were young.

I was very close to Mema, probably because we were so alike. She loved gossip, soap operas, romance novels, clothes, and makeup. When I was little we would spend every Friday night with her and have lunch every Sunday with her. My favorite place to play in the house was her closet where I was in love with her shoes.

Mema was boy crazy when she was young (like me) and pretty spoiled (also like me).  In the last few years I heard my mother say more than once, "You are so much like Mother," sometimes in amazement, sometimes in frustration. And there have been many times since I was a teenager when Mema and I shared frustration over my mother. She is more like her father.

Mema made the world's best mashed potatoes, she always made me Pillsbury cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Saturdays, she made a chocolate sheetcake called "Johnny Cake" that I dream about, and the most delicious strawberry frosting ever imagined. She crocheted a lot until her arthritis got too bad. I have an afghan and a tree skirt that I will treasure forever.

She worried too much about everything, and complained all the time. She was forgetful (probably due to a stroke 25 years ago) and would frustrate my mother to no end. And thunder storms sent her right over the edge. Now those qualities will also be remembered fondly.

She loved her great grandkids even more than her grandkids. My girls just adore Mema. She was never really able to pick them up, but they would cuddle with her on the couch when we would visit. She taught Lily to color in the lines, even though her hand shook so badly when she held a crayon. 

I will always regret that I didn't come home for Thanksgiving this year as I had planned. But I know she understood.

This is not the most eloquent post. I wish I could put into words what I feel for her, but I just can't get it out. I hope this relays just a portion of who Laura, my namesake, was.

A Christmas Rant

When we were kids did they make toys impossible to get out of the box? I just don't think so. I recall getting most toys out of the box myself. Yes, many needed assembly, but I could at least get Barbie out of the box relatively easily. No more are the days of toy ease, however.

It is the thing I hate most about birthdays and Christmas, all of those dadgummed twist ties!!! There sit now, after a full day, about 4 boxes that I have not even attempted yet. Both girls got dolls, a Liv doll and Barbie baby doctor for Diva, 2 Moxie girls and a set of Miley and Lilly for Sissy. That is 4 boxes and 6 dolls with their 5,211 included accessories. My fingers feel sore after those. And of course to go along with the 562 twist ties they now have added about 798 clear plastic bands, and 43 pieces of thread in the dolls' hair. I mean, really, do we have to have the hair styled so perfectly in the box?

Then, just as I thought I was done for the night, having promised tomorrow to open the last 4, much larger and more technologically complicated gifts, I agreed to open two board games and play a game with each child. Sissy's of course requires 4 players so that was out. Not sure how we are ever going to accomplish that one. Diva's a game I thought would be nice and easy, ended up being the largest project of the day. Guess Who? (that's the name of the game) had 48 plastic frames that needed popped out of their plastic skeletons and then 48 cards, perforated and requiring me to detach each one,  inserted before then popping them into each base. Then another 24 larger cards to remove. Wow. Of course while I am doing all of this I am being bombarded with questions from both kids as to how to play the (expletive omitted for the sake of the holiday) game! After playing 4 rounds and winning 3, despite trying my best not to, I decided to feed them ice cream.

Now we sit, watching a classic Disney Christmas movie medley. They are in their new pjs from Santa. And I am staring at the mess in dismay and fascination. I wonder, since Santa is done with all the hard stuff, can he come help clean/open the remaining boxes tomorrow? Please, Santa Baby?

THE MORNING'S AFTERMATH:

History of MY Christmas

I received a few things in the mail today. And that just sent me over the edge or loneliness and nostalgia. I miss Oklahoma so much this year and I want to go to my Mema's house.

Every Christmas Eve we would go to Mema and Grandad's house. Every other year my cousins would be down from Indiana too. A few times they would even come back to my house to stay the night. It was so much magic.

Somehow Santa managed to make it to their house before dinner time and fill our stockings. Actually, truth be told, I think we understood that THOSE stockings were from Mema (Grandad was just there to eat the homemade candies Mema made.). The really exciting thing was that Mema felt office supplies were appropriate for a child's stocking. Paperclips, pushpins, staples, etc... would fill the cheap red felt stockings with our names emblazoned in glitter glue. Once the stocking were empty I would don them like huge socks and traipse around the orange shag carpeting believing that it was as funny this year as it had been the 5 years before.

(Note the orange shag carpet and matching orange curtains! This was 1983, perhaps '84, and I think the golf clubs were for my youngest cousin since I can't imagine they thought I was that tiny.)

The fake tree had the same ornaments it always had, and I always helped decorate it on one of the Friday nights I stayed over. The house was full of homemade decorations from family and friends, and a few really cool store bought items (Mema and Grandad were just rolling in the dough in my eyes). And the candies I mentioned? White chocolate covered pretzels (my favorite), chocolate covered cherries, peanut brittle, fudge (omg, I so miss the fudge) and many other items all made from scratch.

We would have a nice meal that evening and open our gifts from them and head home early enough to not only get in bed before Santa was on his way, but also to be able to open that ONE gift from Mom and Dad.
I got to sleep in my brother's top bunk as a special treat. I learned later it was so he, being 7 years older than me, could prevent me from catching Santa at work.

I want to just throw in here that my home was decked out like a winter wonderland and each year it has gotten bigger and bigger, no matter how busy my mother is. 

Then after the chaos of gift time (Santa does not wrap them, by the way) we would head back to Mema and Grandad's house for a huge Christmas dinner. Sometimes it was turkey, sometimes ham, but always the best mashed potatoes I have ever had to this very day and delicious buttery yeast rolls with plum jelly that to this day get me all giddy to remember.

Even after I was 6 and had learned a few 'truths' about Christmas, it didn't lose the magic. And now I have my own kids and its so amazing, most of the time. This year is different though. This year I am sharing my children with their father. This is turning out ok, though. We are actually cooking dinner together tonight. But home, that's Oklahoma, is so far away. Mema is in a nursing home for rehabilitation after a scary illness. Grandad is gone nearly 18 years now. The houses of my childhood are owned by others now. The shag carpet was torn up in my teenage years, to my relief at the time. (Though, the new carpet did not produce even half the static electricity as the shag did.)

There are the family members there, and future family members, that I am so far from. But I feel them all in my heart. And the memories of my Christmases past fill my heart and make this holiday joyous through even the worst times.

I love my friends and my family and hope you are all having a happy loving holiday wherever you are.

More Confessions and the True Meaning of Christmas

Most of you know that I have been struggling financially lately. I try not to mention it too much, except to people who need to know specifics, but things are really dire. I have been unsure how I would even have a Christmas for the kids this year, but was determined to make it somehow.

The confession? I didn't have to. My friends and family have stepped in and made this a wonderful Christmas for us all. And there is where the true meaning of Christmas comes in.

I won't name names, but a very close friend asked to adopt my family this year. At first I was really unsure. I felt like a heel accepting handouts like that, but I was convinced, for the sake of my kids who really don't understand about Santa's financial situation, to accept. I have to tell you that the offer brought me to tears. This friend has always meant so much to me and this just showed me the extent of this persons love and kindness. I was able to provide the majority of their gifts this way, as shown:

(the largest gifts and two small ones were bought by my mother and grandmother)

And there are still 2 gifts from this person in the closet. On top of this I received 2 Toys R Us gift cards from an old friend. This was an even more unexpected surprise and allowed me to get each girl one gift that they both really really wanted. And my mother sent a box full of stocking stuffers (including some for me).

I hope this post does not make me sound like a mooch. I cannot really express the gratitude I feel to all these people. It has made this the most wonderful Christmas of my adult life and really impressed to me what Christmas is about.

For you Secret Santas: you will be in my heart forever and I will never be able to do enough to repay you, not just for the material items, but also for easing my mind and providing so much joy to this home.

I love you.

Joy to the World....Diva's world

No, your eyes do not deceive you! That is in fact a pear tree (and really really really poor photoshop skills). There is a story here. And as you read in the title, it involves Diva.

So, yesterday the kids were singing the 12 Days of Christmas. It was pretty cute. You know how it is, they don't remember what the words are, but they really belt out the '5 GOLDEN RINGS!!!!' part. They were both doing a great job and I was thoroughly amused. I just  love Christmas music. And then....it got better.

Diva gets to the end of the song and Sissy has sort of faded out. She starts getting all dramatic and finishes up with, "two turtle doves ...and...an....OSSSSSTRICHHHHHHH INNNN AAAAAAA PEARRRRR TREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

How can you not LOVE that? That child is a constant source of amusement to me and everyone I know!

Confessions of a Clutter Queen

Ok, it is probably not a surprise to ANY of you that I am the queen of clutter, but I feel the need to confess my sins today. I have been working on this issue for a while. The new apartment is small and there is not room for clutter. My best solution for this (and one that goes back years and years) is to stuff the clutter in my bedroom. So, for the most part the rest of the house is somewhat presentable.

Not so anymore. Over the last few weeks the clutter has built. I brought home all of my Christmas decorations. And after I put them up I realized that there are so many many that there is no place for here. So at this  moment the place is full of empty boxes and still boxed up decorations. It is my plan to get this all to the basement storage unit soon. In fact, I did finally manage to lug the HUGE Christmas tree box down there, but I keep forgetting to buy a lock for the unit and am not happy about putting things down there without one.

Then of course there is the dining room table. I know I am not the only one who does this. As the papers come home from school each day (and we are talking like 10 pages a day per child) they tend to just get stacked on the table. I am getting better about this one. I some boxes nearby for the kids' school work and I can usually sift through the rest each weekend. There is, unfortunately, always a small stack of papers that I plan to get to later. Usually later ends up being after something was due. Oops.

Now, we get to my biggest shame. The love seat. This is wear I fold laundry.

Unfortunately if I do not put it away immediately the cats, or the kids, knock it all over. In the last few weeks I have not even bothered. There are loads of clean clothes there now that I just keep digging through in the hopes of clean underwear. (I have to pay for laundry now so its amazing anything is even clean at all.)

And finally, what prompted this confessional:

I have received a few boxes this week with Christmas gifts. And tonight I went to buy the last few things I needed. This is what my entry way looks like at the moment. I have only been home this week to sleep so it has stacked up to the point that I am about to freak out. Luckily I have a child free weekend to dive in and clean up.

You should all start a poll about how much I will actually be able to get done!!

What's Changed?

This was a note on Facebook that I thought would make an interesting post:

How much have you changed in 15 years
Dec 15, 2009


**** 15 YEARS AGO (1994) ****

1) How old were you? 18
2) Who were you dating? I think at this time it was a guy named Bob Dillon (not kidding)
3) Where did you work? worked at WalMart on school breaks
4) Where did you live? Springfield, MO
5) Where did you hang out? Sigma Chi house
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? no
7) Who was your closest friend? Brenda Blamires
8) How many tattoos did you have? 0
9) How many piercings did you have? 2 (one in each ear)
10) What kind of car did you drive? 1990 Pontiac LeMans
11) Had you been to a real party? yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divor

ced? sorta taken
14) Any kids? no


**** 10 YEARS AGO (1999) ****

1) How old were you? 23
2) Who were you dating? was married to Hernan
3) Where did you work? Kodiak Steakhouse
4) Where did you live? Tulsa
5) Where did you hang out? home
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? no
7) Who were your closest friends? Brenda, even though she had left me to go to AZ, and Ann
8) How many tattoos did you have? 0
9) How many piercings did you have? still 2
10) What car did you drive?98 Honda Civic and 93 BMW (share them with Hernan, drove whatever was parked in the back)
11) Had you had your heart broken? yes
12) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? married
13) Any kids? no


**** 5 YEARS AGO (2004) ****

1) How old were you? 28
2) Who were you dating? married to Hernan
3) Where did you work? home
4) Where did you live? Huntington, MA (a temporary stop between Torrington and Willington, CT)
5) Where did you hang out? in bed, I had a 3 week old baby
6) Did you wear contacts or glasses? no
7) Who were your closest friends? Patty and Malie
8) How many tattoos did you have? 0
9) How many piercings did you have? 2
10) What car did you drive? 04 Hyndai Sonata
11) Had you had your heart broken? yes
12) Were you single/taken/married/divorced? married
13) Any kids? 2


**** TODAY (2009) ****

1) Age? 34
2) Where do you work? Booth & Dimock Library
3) Where do you live? Willington, CT
4) Where do you hang out? my couch
5) Who are your closest friends? Brenda,Stephanie, and Donna
6) Do you talk to your old friends? mostly on FB, but try to see them when I can
7) How many piercings do you have? 3
8) How many tattoos? 0
9) What kind of car do you have? 01 Saturn L300
10) Had your heart broken? yes
11) How many kids? 2
12) Are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Divorced and taken

Finally, a Real Blog for Me

Ok, so I finally am getting together a blog about me and the girls. Maybe this will cut down on my self indulgent Facebook statuses and notes.
I am sure most of these entries will be about the kids, but maybe once in a while something entertaining will happen to me.
In the meantime, I need your help. What do you think of my template. There are a few I liked, but this is what I finally decided on. I can't edit the fonts though, so I feel like my titles is a little small. What do you think?