Cry, Baby, Cry

I was watching a movie with a friend today and started crying in a few scenes. He didn't find it cute or charming as I would have liked, but seemed to find me a bit ridiculous. I have come to terms with people thinking I am ridiculous over the past year or so, though, and its ok. I used to hate to cry in front of people, but this last year has brought me to tears so many times that I am just satisfied if my friends don't see me with snot running down my face...again. So, I cried. I didn't really hold it back, even when it was a silly scene to cry in. What was the movie, you ask? Was it an epic war film, a tragic love story, a coming of age drama? No. It was 2012. That's right, the really not so good action film starting dreamy Lloyd Dobler, also known as John Cusack.

Now, I know that is lame. I really really do. So please, let me explain. There are kids in this movie. A brother and a girl. And even worse, the girl is named Lily. LILY! Like I don't get all caught up in movies enough, they always have to go and name one of the characters after my kid! And the world is ending. And the parents are divorced (yeah, that's not familiar). And the kids keep getting really really close to death. Or worse, they get separated from the parents and cry. That does it. A kid scared and alone in a movie and I am toast.

Take Pirates of the Caribbean for example. You may not think there is any reason to get choked  up in that movie, but oh contrair. (Yeah, that's probably wrong, but I am so not in the mood to google it). There is a scene in Pirates, the first movie, where they dead guys come and are blowing up the whole island. It's chaos and people are screaming and there are dead dudes running around and showing off their bones when they step in the moonlight. And in the  midst of this there is a little boy, maybe 2 years old, screaming for him mommy. This kid is about to be trampled by a panicked drunk or hit with a cannon ball and he just is screaming while no one pays any attention until a woman, hopefully Mommy, snatches him up and runs. I own this movie. I have seen it probably 10 times. Every time I watch it I get choked up by that little boy.

It's a motherhood thing. You can't help, at least I can't, but think of your child in that situation, alone and scared. And that child wants no one but you. This child who on most days just wants to do their own thing and who is a pro at making a mother feel overworked and underappreciated needs Mommy when the going gets rough. And if Mommy isn't there, its heartbreaking.

So, that is why I cry in movies. Well, that is why I cry in the ones that no one else cries in. I cry in lots of movies. Songs make me cry, too. The National Anthem makes my heart ache for some reason and my eyes get a bit dewy. But it's ok. I am proud of it now. Is it lame? Of course it is. But it's me and I am learning everyday to accept who I am even if it will embarrass my dates and mortify my children.

Get thee behind me laziness!!!

Do you recall the photos of my horrible cluttery home? If not, please, take a look here.

I bring this back to you attention because now, its worse. Don't get me wrong. I DID have it really nice. When Christmas got here it was a lovely clean space with Christmas decorations all around. The kids even had a nice clean room. But since the New Year, perhaps since the death of my Mema, I have not had the drive to do a thing.

I have tried. Really I have. There have been moments when the kitchen was so spotless I wondered who it belonged to. There have been whole days where there were not stacks of papers all over my dining room table and we could actually eat on it. There was about two days where you could see my love seat. And a few hours when you could see my bedroom floor.

I am fairly good about keeping the bathroom clean and the floor vacuumed. And I clean the litter box regularly out of necessity. Honestly, I am not disgusting. There have been instances where I wanted to give up entirely on the bathroom sink, however. How hard is it for a kid to rinse toothpaste down the drain, really?

Sadly, though, I have boxes of ornaments in the dining room right now. I just haven't wrapped them up safely for storage yet. I finally got the tree in its box, which was not easy, let me tell you, but found I had no packing tape. And if I did, I don't know how to get it to the basement on my own. So that sits in the hall. I can never seem to catch up on laundry, even when I do have quarters, and the stuff that is clean, I just can't get into the closets.  You know, I have fantasies of my own washer and dryer. Oh, how I used to take it for granted.

So, why do I even bother to tell you this? Well, I hope that maybe you will feel better about your own cleaning prowess. And also, I hope that I will be embarrassed enough that I will now do something about it. Perhaps uncluttering my home will unclutter my life. I thank Brenda for this bit of insight. And over the next few months I will be preparing a move in location and life path. It's time to K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid) and get on with things, already.

So, if you have any need for size 4 or 5 girls clothes let me know. If you need women's size 12 (why do I bother to keep them?) or 14 (I have too many nice things that I just never wear and take up too much space) or size 7 1/2 shoes let me know. They will need a good home.